"Dear God, i'm so tired. Why am i always saying "I dont need a boyfriend who doesnt trust me", "I dont need a boyfriend who insults me" blabla, YET i'm still clinging on? Right now I feel that i'm just grabbing onto the edge of a mountain, I'm in the midst of falling down already... I'm just waiting for Jianyang to pull me out of this danger. But everytime he pulls me up a little, I fall even more.
FYI, I wasnt borned to love you. Please bear in mind. & vice versa of course. If I were to be given a chance to choose to control my feelings whether to love you or not, I will choose not to, although the happy memories will be gone. I know being tgt with you is the happiest thing that has happened to me, but the amount of pain we've both inflicted on each other... Maybe we could avoid it. In exchange, I rather God erase all the happy memories we shared.
It takes two hands to clap. I dare not deny the fact that for the past 1year+ you have been taking care of me at work everytime. During chalet & colleague outtings, you have been taking food for me, beverage and any other request I need. You bought a LOVE necklace for me on 14/2/12, still remember on valentine's day Jeanette Bernard and the old us had our hightea @ Chinatown Dim Sum. Life is so simple back then.
I shall not elaborate too much on what i've done, but what I know is, it's not how much more you have done for me and stuff. After 1year passed, I always believe we are equal. Fetching you after internship (although I was late at times), wearing bandage skirt, treating you as my guest whenever you stay at my house. I cook eggs for you, when my mum asked if she needs to buy breakfast for you I said yes, when you're sleeping soundly I help you cover blanklet though i'm not fully awake. Rubbing your face seeing you sleeping soundly, occasionally look at lumpy if I ever think of you.
I may not have done much in your eyes but to me it's the little thing that counts. I may be unreasonable in terms of requesting good food and stuff. But you are also eating food right? It's not like I ask you to spend money & not enjoying any food as well. TBH even if you bring me to Liang Court's Saizeriya everyday, I'm happy with it even if it's cheap. Even if you bring me to Queensway hawker centre for that spaghetti and Ci Gusta for dessert, I'm happy. Its not about HAWKER CENTRE, FOODCOURT & low-grade food. Just now on the phone I guess you were too agitated. As long as it's my favourite/craving food, I just want to eat it. It just so happened that my cravings are more atas food.
Lastly, I always cry. When I cry, you didnt ask me to stop crying in a polite tone. You just do it your own way. Forget it. I had rant enough. End of this post. Too tired to even say anything."
Can I describe this as... nostalgic?
Nostalgic - describes a sentimentality for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
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